In his book “Brand Desire - Spark customer interest using emotional insights”, published by Kogan Page, the author Kevin Perlmutter says

"You need to prioritize questions that evoke more emotional responses and deeper insights about what drives decisions

This requires careful advanced thought about how to frame and phrase questions, because our brains respond to different types of questions in different ways

If you ask rational questions, you will get rational answers; you must ask evocative questions if you want emotionally driven answers

Our autonomic nervous system, which controls our involuntary responses, has two parts called the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems

The sympathetic system is triggered when we feel fear or discomfort, sense a threat, experience concern, or get angry

A trigger causes us to put our guard up instinctively and engages our "fight or flight" response

On the other hand, when something triggers our parasympathetic nervous system, we feel calmer and more at ease, and we tend to speak more freely

This is why, when asking questions, it's important to avoid challenging or very direct questions that make people uncomfortable or on guard

For instance, suppose an interviewer asks you, "What's your biggest flaw in relationships with others?" You might immediately get defensive, with your heart rate increasing and your mind racing to say something that won't make you look bad"

Somebody has just spammed me on LinkedIn and while they somehow thing this is "social selling", they think that pitching to me somehow will unlock may wallet

It doesn't and it won't

Because my sympathetic system is triggered, you know as well as I do, we all hate having somebody pitch to us over social

Back to Kevin, "However, if the interviewer asks for the same information in a less aggressive way, such as, "If you could instantly change one thing about how you interact with other people, what would it be?", your response will probably be less guarded and more honest

You'd provide deeper and more accurate insights because you'd be thinking about a more positive future scenario, as opposed to revealing something negative from your past or present"

This is what we teach on our social selling methodology

Psychology, not technology

When use the parasympathetic nervous systems to connect to people with outbound

People want to connect to you, they want to talk to you

We even coach sales people in a way that buyers will say “pitch to me” on a call

Buyers want to be pitched to (rather than hating it) and it feels natural 

If you want deeper insight, better connection, and more truthful answers ask questions that disarm, not confront

The magic lies in shifting from interrogation to invitation

Because when people feel safe, they speak honestly. And when they speak honestly, real understanding begins