Picture this: It was many years ago, well before the internet lived in our pockets, and I was in my carefree twenties. A friend and I decided to take a spontaneous trip to Munich. Why get bogged down with logistics and meticulous planning? Spontaneity is the spice of life, we thought

Well, spontaneity also meant we completely failed to realize we were rocking up to Germany on a massive public holiday

Our rock-solid British logic at the time was essentially: If it’s not a bank holiday in the UK, why on earth would it be a holiday anywhere else? Needless to say, Munich was practically a ghost town. Everything was firmly, uncompromisingly shut. But honestly, pre-internet travel meant fact-checking wasn't exactly woven into our DNA just yet. We were flying purely by the seat of our pants

Eventually, we checked into our hotel, only to discover our room featured a highly distinct, undeniably funky smell. It wasn’t quite a biohazard, but it definitely warranted a polite word with the front desk

Being a courteous (and woefully unequipped) traveler, I whipped out my trusty, pocket-sized German phrasebook to prepare my complaint. I flipped frantically through the pages looking for the word "smell," "stink," “odor”, anything!

Nothing. The book was entirely useless for olfactory grievances

However, my eyes did land on the absolute closest phrase my desperate, language-deprived brain could find in the medical emergency section: "Venereal disease."

In my twenty-something mind, I legitimately weighed the pros and cons of marching down to the front desk and boldly declaring that our twin beds had contracted a nasty case of syphilis

By some absolute stroke of divine intervention, we got down to the lobby and discovered the receptionist spoke flawless English. It is a genuine miracle that her language skills bailed me out. I am absolutely certain we would have received some deeply horrified faces if I had leaned over the desk and loudly proclaimed in broken German, "Excuse me, but our room has a raging venereal disease."

Conclusion: The Chaotic Beauty of Pre-Digital Travel

Looking back, that trip was a masterclass in the hilariously chaotic nature of traveling before smartphones. Today, a quick search would have warned us about the public holiday before we even booked the flights, and a translation app would have given us the exact phrase for "musty carpet." But where is the fun in that?

We may not have gotten to see a bustling, open-for-business Munich, but we did escape without initiating a German public health panic over a hotel room and honestly, I consider that a resounding victory