Please don’t read this if you’re easily disgusted

My dad smoked a pipe for many years

Back then, it seemed a bit of a middle-class badge, Sherlock Holmes, Albert Einstein, J.R.R. Tolkien, and one of Dad’s heroes, Frank Muir, all smoked pipes

As a child, I hated it

I’d wake up in the night thinking the house was on fire

The ashtray was revolting, coated in black tar that clung to your fingers no matter how hard you washed

My mum hated it too, her father (my grandfather) died of lung cancer from smoking at 55, never seeing my brother or me (his grandchildren) grow up

She also thought it was a complete waste of money

So, she hatched a plan

Back then, grapes still had pips

One day, after we had had some grapes, she filled Dad’s pipe with grape seeds

He smoked them without noticing

Surely, we thought, the very idea would make him quit

Nope

Game on

What else could we put in his pipe?

Perhaps something a little… more memorable

Reader, this is where you might want to stop if you are easily disgusted

One evening, while Mum was cutting her toenails, yes, truly disgusting, she hit upon a “brilliant” idea

Dad smoked them

And said, with full approval, “This is some great tobacco.”

He was a little annoyed when we confessed, but he came around, laughing

And just like that, he quit smoking for good

Conclusion: Sometimes, it takes a little creativity, and a touch of mischief, to make lasting change

And in our case, it worked better than any lecture or warning ever could